Friday, August 21, 2009

Inglorious Basterds

So I seen Inglorious Basterds, Tarintino's new flick, last night on opening night. Midnight showing, natch.

Kicked fuckin' ass. Like unbelievable. Tarintino just doesn't give a shit, and I say that in a good way. Like sometimes you go to a movie and you know how it's gonna end: Titanic, fuckin' boat's gonna sink; Passion, Jesus Dies; ditto with the big monkey in King Kong. So like three quarters of the way through Basterds you think: "No way these guys are gonna succeed with their plan to blow up a movie theater in which all of the top Nazis, plus Hitler, are watching a propaganda flick, cause' that shit certainly didn't happen for reals."

Fuck that. Tarintino, as previously stated, doesn't give a shit about things not happening like they did for reals. IRL a squad of pissed off Jews were not dropped into France under the leader of a half-Apache Jew to go buckwild and scalp as many Krauts as they could, and we didn't question that part of the premise, did we?

Basically what I'm sayin is this movie contains a scene in which we are treated to THREE DIFFERENT SHOTS of Hitler getting MACHINE GUNNED plus a whole lot of Nazi generals and fucking Goering and Goebels and shit betting blowed up. Oh, and Brad Pitt* fucking carves goddamned Swastikas into the head of any Nazi he doesn't have Eli Roth beat the heads of in with a baseball bat.

Mind you this is Eli Roth in a role in which the Nazis have (in their pant-shitting terror) nicknamed him "The Bear Jew". Fucking amazing.

Many of the typical Tarintino stars return in voice over cameos: Samuel L. Jackson does some narrating, and Harvey Keitel is a voice-only radio conversation as Brad Pitt's boss.

This shit was basically so off the fucking hook you wouldn't believe it. If you like things that are awesome, or hate Nazis, or just fuckin' want to have a good time and don't mind a little gore (you literally watch some people get fuckin' dismembered, and we see Brad Pitt carve one of those Swastikas into a forehead like for reals with no Reservoir Dogs style cut away) then see this fuckin' movie. If you're a pussy or a grandparent, go see.... I dunno, something that sucks.

Cruise Rating: Nine out of Ten Motherfuckers.

*Between this, Fight Club, and nailing the shit out of Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt is pretty much the coolest motherfucker in the goddamned world who isn't named Tom Cruise, is all I'm sayin. If only he hadn't let her saddle him with a million fuckin' adopted third world orphans. I don't care how hot she is, man, why you got to do a thing like that?

1 comment:

  1. Oh, hey, thanks for the spoiler tags, Tom. What a fuckin' douchebag.